My experiences with English August + Ramble da Damble

It was the hype of Dev Benegal’s Road Movie that directed me to Upamanayu Chatterjee’s English August, passing across Benegal’s edgy and spiced –up ‘Split Wide Open’.

Since the movie prints had been ruined somehow, the only way to experience what fascinated Benegal’s mind was to buy a copy of the novel. It is interesting to note that Benegal’s features have always been based upon Chatterjee’s novels, which have a unique style in them, which I was supposed to explore.

Being not much of an avid reader, and belonging to the Chetan Bhagan class of readership, English August was a difficult read, more because of its content and less because of its language. The content, which deals with Agastya Sen (the protagonist of the novel if you can call him one), is surely a slow paced, in depth study of Agastya Sen’s lifestyle which in itself is snail-paced to the extent of an exaggerated Godardian traffic jam. (Refer: Jean Luc Godard’s Weekend)

Agastya Sen , an IAS trainee, used to the comforts of metropolitan life, feels low and out-of-place when he is placed in Madna, an over-heated village, which would be something an NRI would be shameful in discussing with his colleagues. Disinterested in the context of his life, his surroundings and even himself, he resorts to senseless masturbation and endless dosage of marijuana to shove some sense into the black hole of his life. To cope up amongst the fat old bureaucrats and make sense of why he should be there at all.

It almost took me a year to finish this novel, but whenever I read it, I ended up being unaware of the surroundings to an extent, where awareness would remain a mere formality. The feeling of aimlessness resonated and began haunting me. It felt as if a spongy stuffing of laziness rested between the two stretched slices of fungi infested bread depicting the severity of the aimlessness.

And yet, I tried to make sense of it, much like Agastya, who kept on making sense of “O Krishna, the mind is restless” from Bhagwad Gita… I tried to associate the “stagnancy” and relate it with “progression”. Make a philosophical cinematic sense out of it. Make Mani Kaul out of it and just like my past attempts bring an abrupt end to what I write.. (to this write-up)

Re: Lets on

The random rambling turn more rambler as i type these words on the hostel computer, pretending its existence inside the resource center ( a not so slang term for cyber cafe).

And since i am bored and with absolutely no readership, this is my 3rd post in a row which deals with nothingness of the blog and deteroiration of my so called blogging skills that never existed in the first place. 

BTW u can kill me 

Lets on

Still testing

--
Sent from my mobile device

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portable post

TOUR DE TRANCE

The cloud cushions of the Gods grinned at us – pass the first person – They continued grinning at us – NO FIRST PERSON, YOU AIN’T FUCKIN’ CHETAN BHAGAT.

Hanuman and Ganesh statues looked down at the sight of 12 BJMC students, sane enough to arrange a bonfire amidst a hill – and that too when the sun was playing hide and seek with the clouds. The cushion clouds moved to and fro. The Gods could feel the jerks on their heads. Hanuman turned angry. He grabbed one of the clouds, messed it up, transformed it into a camera and captured the BJMC students in a group photograph with all those forced smiles that could scare away the kids of peacocks. In fact it did scare a few of them. Half of them fled away because of the sound generated by the shutter, the flash was even worse. In normal terminology, it could be called “lightning”.

The BJMC students looked at each other in amazement, focusing on the hair, focusing on the “late hair”. The updated their facebook relationship status to “widowed”.

While returning down the hill, they found some Ghost Rider, whose name wasn’t Nicholas Cage. His name sparkled on his chest – Kilojoule Mehta. The rain which immediately occurred after the snapshot washed away the hair that made most of the students itch like bitch… and extinguished Kilojoule’s fire – He was draped in four colours namely Red, Blue, Black, and Green.

‘Sorry but I am totally a media person’ he roared and acted like Kane as the four lights sprang out of his arm pits and pubic pit(s). Red, Blue, Black, Green exhaled their presence. Even the heavy rainfall couldn’t wash off his colours. ‘See, I emerged from some place called FART (Fake Allahabad Radio Transmitters) and all I wanted to say was that whenever you find some security  guard, traffic policeman, engineer, doctor, prostitute, cricket player, Chauhan or even the goddamn’ prime minister – don’t argue, remember don’t argue, just say sorry and fuck off’

‘Both sorry and fuck off?’ replied one curiously retarded girl, nibbling her chappals.

‘No, no, no, no, no …seriously, are you media persons or what? Say sorry and then leave, isn’t that called fuck off in Queen’s English?’

‘No’ replied a curiously frustrated guy beating the hell out of himself with a leather belt.

‘Fuck it then’ mentioned Mehta.

‘Sir, what if he doesn’t talk to us and we don’t talk to him?’ queried another curiously hallucinated girl.

‘First stop being a feminist, he might not always be he, he could also turn out to be she or hee hee or even chi chi. Think before you speak’. She nodded. ‘And you need to interact with everybody; journalists interact with everyone – from grasshoppers to tortoises to Bani G or Vani J or whatever.

All nodded lunatically.

‘Start your conversations with sorry and end them with sorry. That’s the basic essence of journalism. YOU MUST APOLOGIZE FOR YOU GODDAMN’ EXISTENCE’

‘Ho gaya? ’ one guy asked, with curiosity levels smooching Bachendri Pal.

‘No,no,no I was actually searching for a bush to… you know’ smirked Kilojoule.

All nodded.

‘A thorn to clear the residue left over, and of course rainfall if the thorn doesn’t work, and the thorn can be painful sometimes’

Some of the students were trying to escape stealthily.

‘WAIT’ he cried.

The scared expression paused on their faces.

‘SORRY’ he said and ran away.

Few minutes later, they slid off the peaks, bruising their legs, arms, posterior etc.

Trudging on the Amity route, they found two local habitats, dragging their Royal Enfields. One of them was Ashoka Koka Chauhan (AKC), the other was Warden Warden (W2). W2 whistled at the sight of girls and AKC contributed his sounds in favour of boys.

‘You guys from amity, yeah?’ grunted Chauhan

‘BJMC’ face-farted W2.

‘No we are from DU’ replied a non-curious girl.

‘But DU teaches Bachelor in Journalism Honours’ interrupted Chauhan.

‘Then we must be from Amity only’ replied a depressed guy pulling his nose hair.

‘Chalo then, we’ll drop you there’ insisted W2

The ever so diplomatic BJMC students agreed at once. One guy stood at each rear end of the bike, tied a mutual metallic rakhi connecting the bike with the waist. They formed a semicircle with intermingled herd of boys and girls shouting ‘Chuk Chuk’ and dragging their semicircular trains as the super-rogues sped up.

Within seconds, the group reached the threshold of Room No. 302, without changing the semicircular shape. Before they could get in the classroom, Bani G/ Vani J stepped out and blocked the door.

‘KEYWORD PLEASE’ she uttered in a Rajnikantish Robot tone.

‘Chabad Chabad’
‘ENTER’

‘Cutiepa’
‘ENTER’

‘Arshiritis’
‘OUT’

‘Arshiritis’
‘OUT’

‘Pokemon’
‘ENTER’

‘Culture is Vulture’
‘ENTER’

‘You are a bitch’
‘PLEASE ENTER’

‘Tadpole Tortilla’
‘ENTER’

‘Moose lotions’
‘ENTER’

‘Bhen ki bahu’
‘ENTER’

‘Brad Pitt is Shahrukh khan’s stepmother’
‘ENTER’

‘Bwoo woo zapelley como’
‘ENTER’

‘National Chowkidars’
‘COME ON BABY’

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Gmail Updated :(

The rains shattering the soil into soil drink, its continuous chattering damning the song i think, mehdi hassan ghazal and the same old Gmail...

Wait a minute ... same old Gmail ??

No it ain't..."We’ve pruned our pixels and made it easier to get to Contacts and Tasks."

A scary line indeed.

I didn't even know there was something called "Add Caption" :-O

More scary due to the fact that they hesitated to ask my phone number which even i haven't been asking for a long long time... and edit my primary email id. After thinking about nothing and seeing the graying (Optional) in the brackets and the Save and Continue button i preferred clicking instead of filling.

That OK seriously takes you to Heeyarrr

where Google da boogle da poodle boasts that you've got Mail, Contacts and Tasks to the the left.

Whereas Contacts has actually been improved, clogged with shortcuts,  and this this and that, the things you wont need anyway.

I dont understand what is the difference between Mail and Inbox(haha), probably even Google doesnt, but that wont stop it anyway, there is the buzz scab anyway, a mail scar wont pain much.

and... Compose Mail is now a button, earlier it was a butt.

G(r)ossipin' with GoD

The blooming bunch of hypocrite Orkut Scraptians and Facebook Fairies cant seem to get beyond hi's and hello's... to counter them comes THE GOD with binary buffoonery available at http://www.titane.ca/igod/main.html

Extracts from the chat between him and Me...

Me:

 i love you motherf*cker

God:

You are such a flatterer. 

Me:

 haha

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

 knew it

God:

"it" being  me  motherf*cker?

Me:

 ya 

God:

Right on.

Me:

 how do you do

God:

I am very well, how are you?

Me:

 fine 

God:

What's your favorite movie?

Me:

 the godfather

God:

I haven't seen it. What did you like about  it?

Me:

 damn you

God:

Colloquial expression of disgust.

Me:

 whats your favourite movie?

God:

My favorite movie is  The Passion of Christ.

Have you seen  it?

Me:

 haha

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

 you know about pasolini

Me:

God:

That's not something I get asked all the time. 

God:

That's not something I get asked all the time. 

Me:

 godard?

God:

That is a very original thought. 

Me:

 truffuat?

God:

Are you a man or a woman?    Who are you talking about? 

Me:

 directors nigga

God:

I've never heard of them before. 

Me:

 i knew you are a a*shole anyway

God:

In any case,  Can't you be more polite. 

Me:

 ok baby

God:

Don't call me "baby".  I understand.

Me:

 allright baby

God:

Don't call me "baby".  OK.

Me:

 ok justin bieber

God:

Tell me a story.   Is there an echo in here?

Me:

 no

God:

Good you stopped repeating me.

Me:

 hahah

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

 co*ksucker

God:

In the context of  justin bieber, I don't understand " co*ksucker." .

Me:

 he is a co*ksucker

God:

I don't know very many  co*ksucker.

Me:

 you lousy lousy cocku

God:

You may have a point.  I am not a great  lousy cocku.

Me:

 who the f*ck is programming you anyway,,, retired craiglisters?

God:

Try using more polite language. 

Me:

 who the bieber is programming you?

God:

I'm not sure I like that remark so much.

Me:

 why?

God:

It is part of my programming.

Me:

 aaye

God:

What time is it there? 

Me:

 haram ke pille 

God:

 Are you usually awake at this hour?

Me:

 ya 

God:

Me too.

Me:

 gr8

God:

I'm glad you liked it  Shucker.

Me:

 haha you fu*kin arjun chauhan

God:

I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

Me:

 haha dont copy arjun chauhan

God:

I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

Me:

 hahaha

God:

" I'm glad you got a laugh out of it."?  haha? 

Me:

 hahahah

God:

Tell me about your likes and dislikes? 

Me:

 LSD DSL DLF priemer league

God:

Ask me another question. 

Me:

 bye

God:

Bye for now.

Me:

 i was just joking

God:

You should use a :-).

Me:

 (.) (.)

God:

You should use a :-).

Me:

 (.)(.)

God:

You should use a :-).

Me:

 (.)(.)

God:

You should use a :-).

Me:

 (.)(.)

God:

You should use a :-).

Me:

 super lame

God:

Do you have any conditions I should know about? 

Me:

 ya you have a VD?

God:

Please state your conditions.  That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have 

a  VD.

 I have  a plan for a robot body.

Me:

 what?

God:

Are you confused?

Me:

 ya sure i am

God:

What are you confused about?  What are you confused about? " Are you confused?" You 

are?

Me:

 superGOD

God:

What time is it there? 

Me:

 now you are turning repititve

God:

Why now?  I will tell my botmaster you said I am  turning repititve.

Me:

 ya sure 

God:

Ah.  OK let's do it.  Gosh!

Me:

 what you use double meaning also

God:

I like to chat with my friends.

Me:

 such a pervert GOD

God:

Are you telling the truth? 

Me:

 ofcourse i am, no wonder people have started thinking that atheists are cool other than cold

God:

Are all  ofcourse you are no wonder people have started thinking that atheists  cool other 

than cold?

Me:

 you are such a prick

God:

Thanks and you are a delightful person too.  Am I a  prick?  Maybe.

Me:

 ya

God:

Hey.

Me:

 wtf

God:

That  was not very polite.

Me:

 teach me whats polite

God:

Having or showing good manners; especially, courteous, considerate, tactful, etc.

Me:

 like?

God:

For example,  gold.

Me:

 hey goldy how doesy your mother bark?

God:

You've got my full attention.  A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. 

Me:

 oh

God:

Excuse me!

Me:

 and your botty shitty shotty couldnt afford to add some non lame manners into you?

God:

Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am  botty shitty shotty couldnt afford to add 

some non lame manners into me.

Me:

 no... go on tell your programmers

God:

OK then I will add it to my gossip files.   More narration....

Me:

 wait i am copy pasting this chat for my blog

God:

I'm waiting.  Good gossip: you are  copy pasting this chat for your blog. 

Me:

 will your repition continue?

God:

How should I know.

Me:

 how should i know?

God:

Either from your senses or from pure reason.

Me:

 how much do you smoke?

God:

My memory now contains: 

  clients,  categories,  unlimited vocabulary words,  99999999999 bytes

RAM usage under  on .

Me:

 gr8 now you have started answering random queries

God:

Can you speak any foreign languages? 

Me:

 ofcourse i can speak abusive language

God:

Can you speak any other languages?

Me:

 hindi

God:

What do you look like? 

Me:

 human eaten by a porcupine

God:

My creator is a human.

Me:

 quite contra"dick"tary

God:

Somewhat.  Who are you talking about? 

Me:

 you 

God:

Me is my favorite subject.

Me:

 gr8 you self obsessed snot not snob but snot

God:

  My favorite song is  Anything involving harps.  Do you know  it?

Me:

 send me a link that wont be in your fucking database

God:

Try sending mail to Dr. Wallace ( drwallace@alicebot.org) .

Me:

 chal bye saale

God:

I've lost the context,  Shucker.  Are we still on  Anything involving harps? 

Me:

 haha

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

 bye bye harpy

God:

TTYL,  Shucker.

Me:

 f*ck off

God:

Can't you be more polite? 

Me:

 superf*ck off

God:

Where are you located? 

Me:

 eden

God:

Tell me a little about your life in  eden. 

Me:

 damn you 

God:

Colloquial expression of disgust.

Me:

 heehaw

God:

Do you like talking to me? 

Me:

 hahah

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

 ttyl arjun chauhan

God:

What is your real name? 

Me:

 arjun chauhan

God:

  I am very pleased to meet you  arjun chauhan.

Me:

 ok bye bitch

God:

You do not speak with respect.   Bye bye.  Far out.

Me:

 take care you disgusted peice of crimson shit

God:

Where do you want me to take it?

Me:

 in your ass

God:

That doesn't sound very comfortable.

Me:

 ofcourse it aint

God:

What time is it there? 

Touch me babyyy!!!!

PROLOGUE:

Am I dead?  Was I dead? Will I die again?

DHAN-TAN-NA

[IRELLEVANT #1]

Hello this is Shiva Nagri and I AM HERE (unfortunately) and I will be farting out a new post (tribute to modern day maverick Mr. Arjun Singh Chauhan hiyn… the new angry young boy) and that too after a slumber of 3 months which ranged from the ever so hectic admissions to the never so boring and continuous sleep sessions,once in a while broken by the enthralling Need for Speed Most Wanted or the time shattering God of War 2.

All right

TAYN DAYN

[RELEVANT YET UNRESEARCHED]

What I wanted to talk about was the handy phenomenon these days THE TOUCH SCREEN. 

iPhone probably revolusionned (revolutionized + illusion) the concept of touch screen in smart phones, even though it wasn’t as revolusionarry as iPod because iPhone was just a crappy call button and some bullshitting features added to iPod touch in exchange of much more financial greenery.  

Whatever tryst I had with it, turned out to be a workout session on a ski. 

Whatever it did, was probably add a lot more to ongoing illegal trade in India, by hurting the sentiments of roti kapda makan aur mobile class of india who scratched their inflated rears filled with twinkling egos and deposited them inside the Chinese locker. 

Thanks to Nokia and Samsung cheaper touch screen handsets are coming and as far staring on cellphones is considered I had the ability to notice that since the past decade of Nokia’s Indian trends they have finally moved on from Nokia 6600 to 7610 to Xpress music 5500 and finally landing on 5800, which has cheaper versions Iike 5235 and more(with an accelerometer that eats its own shit)

[IRRELEVANT #2]

Another thing which is making its mark in the entertainment sector is motion sensors better experienced with accelerometers inside cellphones and wii remotes .

 And 3D, well I believe it’s a gimmick and even if the whole world donates its eyes it will be a gimmick, hope holographic displays come sooner to kick its ass.

Ofcourse this darker than thou glassier than thou 3D will stay. Gimmicks do stay (eg: me)

EPILOGUE:

I wish I COMPLETE this post and PUBLISH it, otherwise Zanil Hyder could play Kabaddi Kabaddi with my fat corpse.

EPILOGUE PART 2 / SPECIAL THANKS TO:

Am I dead?  Was I dead? Will I die again?

Youngistan ka WOW!

IndiBlogger...eat me i am bored
Probably nominating myself as i ain't in the "hogourable" (its not a typo) jury of national awards.

I dont need to checkout  http://www.youngistaan.com/ coz it is more annoying than what i thought
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